My dietitian, Britt, sent me an email a few days ago asking the following:
“random questions; whats the obsession with low calorie thanksgiving.. its mostly turkey?? Why are people scared? Its one day. You cant undo your whole life in one day??? “
(As I was replying, I thought it might be a good post for the blog. And when she answered me, she said it needs to be a post for the blog, so here it is. )
My unedited answer:
“Because Thanksgiving is the biggest pig out of the year and people know it. Because you’re with people and expected to eat and eat. I get it, it still scares me. Not as much maybe, but still enough to mess with my mind. And while I know one day won’t undo my 107ish pounds, Fat Karen, who’s still in there, still believes it will.
And it’s the first of a lot of parties with Christmas not too far behind. It’s a lot of time outside of the normal routine of good food choices, logging and exercising. It’s a mind game of believing that one bad day will be enough to make you go back to the way you used to eat, that once you start eating all the foods, you won’t be able to stay in control. Or worse, that you won’t want to stay in control. I get a little scared every day that I won’t want to keep doing what I’m doing, that I’ll stop caring and Fat Karen will re-emerge.”
That was a little hard to write down, even when it was just going to Britt. That fear is there every day, but I don’t always think about it. I do care about this journey, the weight I’ve lost and how much better my body and mind are, but get scared that it won’t take much for me to slide all the way back to square one – that there might be one incident, idea, or food out there that will trip me up.
As for the holidays, I will enjoy myself with my family. I don’t think it’s an excuse to eat to the point of being bloated and sick like so many people do, but will have the foods I don’t eat every day and just quick add a million calories to my food log, and be done with it. Oh yeah, and drink lots and lots of water.