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August sucked.

That could be a blog post all on its own, but I am a bit wordy. So, here goes.

I’ll give it a D minus. Yeah, it could have been worse. But no one died, no one got sick, no one needed bail money, so D minus it is.

I gave in to current job stress, being rejected for a job I really wanted and losing my personal trainer after three years (the last two in the same week). The week after that one also saw the third anniversary of losing Merlin, my cockatiel, a big spirit in a tiny body, who was a part of my life for twenty-five years and who I miss every single day.

I disappointed myself by reverting to an old habit – stress eating. I discovered Target bakes and sells Nestle’s Toll House cookies, and makes it easy to rationalize throwing into your cart, by packaging three and selling them for ninety-nine cents. Last weekend I ate five of those packages, and shamefully, that was not a record. I can’t deny that I enjoyed them though, as I finish up my first cookie free weekend in at least two months. It was only on weekends, as that’s when I had time to go get them, but I still overdid it.

The current job (hereafter known as “SSPTH” – first letters in a phrase I came up with and one that makes me smile, but is staying private on the off chance this gets read by someone related to the job) has always been a source of stress, but recent unrealistic expectations are making it more difficult and I tend to revert to being an unhappy witch, which I really don’t like doing.

I’d applied for what I was thinking of as a dream job, down a new path towards being happy. Despite not being experienced in it but having the approval of the person in charge, HR rejected my application. Only took them three months (sarcastic tone). Waiting, worrying and checking my email every hour, ended up with getting the rejection email on my lunch break, of all things. Going back to work and trying not to cry was fun.

That followed with my weekly personal training sessions ending after three years, as my trainer did manage to go down the path towards being happy in her career.  I’m extremely happy for her and want only good things, but it was hard. I enjoyed that hour, especially since it was scheduled before I’d have to go off to the SSPTH. I’m continuing on my own.

Getting through the anniversary of losing Merlin is always hard. It was different this year, since I adopted a rescue cat last fall and it was the first anniversary with someone else in the house. I deliberately went with a female cat as to be as different as possible from having a male bird. She’s fun, and I’m enjoying her so there was a lot of guilt this time around. Cookies weren’t the only overindulgence. I stopped getting on the scale as much as I usually do, until finally yesterday, I had an appointment for a DEXA scan followed immediately by one with my dietitian. I do the scans every four months, I love the data I get, and it helps me focus on the overall body, not just what the scale says, because scales are evil. Since my last scan in April, I was up almost eleven pounds. Probably would have been more of that if Target was closer.  Went over the numbers with the guy who

runs the scan and off to the dietitian. I’d already shared a lot of this stress with her, so she was ready for me.

Britt’s a godsend. Besides being a good and knowledgeable dietitian, she’s real, honest and non-judgmental. She tweaked the calories and macros. More importantly, she tweaked my mindset. We talked about it all, made a game plan for the food, the job and the future. One of the tweaks was to blog something before my next appointment. I’d let this blog fall by the wayside. I do have to give her credit for the title though.

It’s time to get back to where I was and what I was doing.

Today was Day One.